Feeling uneasy…

I don’t normally write about this stuff. I don’t normally share thoughts on politics and allow negatives forces to affect my vibe, but I am feeling uneasy…

Sitting here at my desk, trying to summon the will to work… I’m sure it’s a combination of sleep deprivation, feeling grotty (thanks hayfever!) and personal factors making me feel a bit down; but this news about Zuma firing Nene, and the potential fallback from this action (blatantly revealing that he is only looking out for Number One) is TOTALLY stressing me out.

We moved back to SA three years ago and for the first time since then, (it kills me to admit!) I am genuinely wondering if we made the right decision… I’m not saying this one epic act is the be all and end all, it’s an accumulation of recent events that is starting to sway me…

I’ve always  stood up for our choice to come home, been the one with who is positive about SA. The one who tries to focus on the good and to see the beauty of our imperfect nation… But when are we actually going to turn a corner?!

I can’t help it, but my thoughts flee to the worst possible scenarios. What if shit hits the fan and we literally have to leave all our possessions and run? What if civil war breaks out? We all watched from our armchairs while Zimbabwe crumbled a few years back, we know how that scenario turns out. Yes, things are a bit better there now but I’m still not convinced I want to go through all of that…

How do you stay positive when these political revelations happens? How do you not think about cashing it all in and leaving if you have the means? We have British passports and a very small amount of money off shore – it’s not entirely off the table at this stage although it would be incredibly hard. I never actually thought I would say that, but there you go…

Am I being dramatic?

I just don’t know how I feel right now. Today, there is no positive spirit left in me. Maybe it will return, I genuinely hope so – but right now: dwindling…

m_131128mg.jpgZapiro

(image cred: by LEGEND cartoonist Zapiro)

 

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8 thoughts on “Feeling uneasy…

  1. The Blessed Barrennessh says:

    I’m so with you. For the past year, I’ve been getting more an more uneasy and more and more fearful for my families future here.
    We had an opportunity to leave a few years ago and we didn’t and now I’m worried we made a big mistake and that it may be to late to try and get out.
    I have a very uneasy feeling about Zuma and I also find myself comparing it to what happened in Zim!

    • Andrea says:

      Sharon, I have actually been following you on this one – in fact, your views, the recent move of the Dadics as one example, so many other peeps I know from Social Media who are planning to move – it’s all made me rethink things and I wont lie, it freaks me out that so many people who I deem intelligent and realistic – those who have been generally positive about the country in the past – are all leaving / want to leave! My heart just feels like there is something wrong happening here and my head is catching up and Im scared. And for the first time, I WANT to leave :(

  2. Monique (@Monique_LouiseW) says:

    Thanks for your honesty. I don’t think you’re being dramatic at all – many people are just as worried (myself included). I’m feeling just as despondant this morning. At least you can count your blessings that you have British passports and money offshore. That makes life easier should you need to leave. If I wanted to leave, I’d have to jump through hoops to get an ancestry passport & then my husband would have to be dependent on my passport. But things don’t look great in England either – recession, anti-foreigner sentiment and oh, the weather. Eish. I love South Africa, I don’t want to leave my home & family :(

    • Andrea says:

      Totally agree Monique, thanks for the comment – and agree, I always use that as an argument – it’s definitely not always green grass or peaches and cream on the other side AT ALL. I am in a position to know that after having lived abroad for several years and find the ones who usually try to argue that point are the ones who have never left SA so it’s easy for them to think that. But back to the point – it is scary and it is kak – I hate it, I hate having to worry about this stuff – at least I know Im not the only one thinking along these lines, solace in knowing I’m not alone :(

  3. Angela Prins says:

    Big hug my friend, living out of SA i can’t really comment, but all i can say is I’m incredibly proud of what you have achieved and continue to achieve and the way you empower others to better themselves whilst you have been living back in South Africa always amazes and inspires me, there may be rotten politicians governing with alterier motives but people like u at the ground roots of day to day life are making a real difference by living in South Africa. Although we now live in Australia, a part of my heart will always be in Africa where we are from and I admire all you are doing back in South Africa u are incredible and an inspiration to many!

  4. Ché says:

    Urgh. I completely feel your pain I don’t think London for us ever really feels like “home” but then when we hear things like this it makes you wonder if “home” should really still be home. Warr and I are going through a massive “what do we do?” Phase and it’s so scary – both the thought of staying and the thought of leaving. Sigh. This world. Sort your shit out.

    • Andrea says:

      For shizzle – I have been on the other side and lived through having to make that same and very tough decision. I dont know right now if it was the right move coming back to SA given everything thats going on but I definitely know we were ready to leave London. I think you mustnt rush it and trust that your gust will tell you what to do x

  5. Hugo says:

    I echo your sentiments. Personally I don’t WANT to leave to SA. Far from it, but there are a few things i DO want and need out of the country in order to stay, and it pisses me off when I get taxed 41% of my income to see some twats squander that money – and then the little bit that I do manage to save (in the JSE – doing my civic duty and all that for the betterment of the country) continue to nose dive in value.

    There was a very poinient message I read from a fellow SA blogger like yourself who emigrated and came back – he said; the pull factor from another country should far outway the push factor from your home country. In other words, you should not feel like you have to leave because of a desperate situation, but the attraction of living in another country should make you WANT to live there.
    I’m not there yet. Yesterday was close, very close. (So close I’ll be spending a few grand to get my sons dutch passport in order) I’m loosing hope but I’m not giving up yet…

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